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Welcome to the Speaking Phenomenal podcast. I'm your host, Amy Boyle. Have you ever felt the urge to reinvent yourself but wondered if it was too late? What if I told you at 60, today's guest discovered an entirely new way to express herself through poetry. Jacqueline Jack Perez, founder of Kuel Life returns to the show to talk about the power of reinvention, finding creative courage and why midlife is just the beginning. This is
the Speaking of Phenomenal podcast. Welcome back to the Speaking of Phenomenal podcast, Jack. I'm so glad you're here.
Thank you, Amy. I'm so excited to be here. I can't believe it's been five years. It's insane how quickly the time flies.
We initially met through Clubhouse, which, you know, gone are the days of that and onto new and different platforms. So glad that we've stayed connected and I can't wait for you to reintroduce your phenomenal self to my listeners.
So my name is Jacqueline Perez, but I go by Jack and I am an entrepreneur. Currently I run a platform called Cool Life, which I believe is what we talked about the first time Amy that we got together. And Cool Life is a digital platform, a repository that's dedicated to normalizing aging specifically for women. And how we do this Amy is via curated relevant
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So I probably have had over maybe 120 thought leaders by now provide their expertise and wisdom to our community. But at any one given time, have over 65 thought leaders, each in their own lane, meaning there are so many opportunities and challenges that present themselves at this stage of life. And we need help navigating these changes that happen. And they start
for a lot of us with the physiological changes, right? That's the menopausal changes. Some of us, that's when we first kind of wake up to, crud, everything is changing. But we would be naive to think that it's only physiological changes that women face. We face structural changes in our family if for whatever reason you decided to have a kid or you didn't want one or you did, but you ended up with one and you did it.
chances are you're probably transitioning out of full-time parenting. That can be really tough for some people. It threw me under a bus and I didn't even realize it at the time. But there's, you know, other things that what the most divorces Amy are handed out by women after 50. What do you do after that? So you start dating? Well, how do you date with a dry vagina? There's so many, many things that women have to consider.
Also, like, let's just say you have a teen, right? Because a lot of women, if you started having children later in life, you might have a teen, but you also might be responsible for taking care of your elderly parents at the same time. It is not unusual for a woman to, you know, realize that their teenager has stolen their car at three o'clock in the morning only to get a phone call from the assisted living facility a few hours later that your mom fell down and broke a hip. It's a lot. We have a lot to deal with.
and I didn't want women to do it alone. That is why I built the platform so that I could bring the resources from around the world, ladies, women who are already helping us in these lanes. And so now they're providing their wisdom, their expertise, their life hacks to the Cool Life community regularly, which I am grateful for.
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It's just such an asset to have a platform like that for women to connect and it's incredible that you've put that together. How many years has that been going on for you now?
The idea came to myself and a friend of mine, because I had a partner originally who passed away from colon cancer, sadly, shortly after we launched, actually. So she's been gone for a while. But if you think about when we came up with the idea, the idea of seven and a half years ago, but it took us a good year to figure it out, right? Seven years ago, there was hardly anything available, Amy, on the internet. But if you think about...
how much it has changed. We now see ads for menopause products on the television. That wasn't there seven years ago, but we still have a lot to change. We still need to move the needle even further, if you ask me, but we're getting there.
I'm so glad that you have this platform and that it continues to grow because it's one of those things that it takes the momentum of many of us to keep the needle moving in this space. And I want to bring up your new foray into poetry. So you've always been a writer or a writer for a long time. Tell us a little bit more about what you
previously have done as an essayist and now as a poet.
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Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, I have been writing under the umbrella, Smack for years. And honestly, if you go out and you type in Jack Smack on the internet, you would get hundreds of essays. And I write a lot about the midlife experience for women, very tongue in cheek, self-deprecating. I make it funny, but I also make it relevant and poignant. I make a point. Remember how I mentioned the whole empty nest potential? Like if you had a kid and you...
Well, what happened is mine went away, right? Because he's now going to be 23. So he went away a few years ago. Boy, boy, I had no idea. I was not a mom, that you would have said, she completely defines herself as being Aiden's mother. that's all she talks about. She leads with that. As a matter of fact, I've had people say to me,
gosh, I wouldn't even know you were a mother until like you talked to you for a little bit, you know, until you're like into the conversation. It surprised me how hard not actively parenting anymore. What that did to me, it made it, I think I forgot who I was for a little bit. Like I forgot who I was. didn't have to do.
There was no more, you do your homework? Did you do your homework? Did you do your homework? Did you, know, where are the car keys, mom? Where are the car keys? Whatever that is, you know, whatever it is that you're parenting. All that's that. And I had a really hard time and I went into like this sort of deep depression over several years. And then I lost a really good relationship with a female friend that, you know, I didn't realize you could break up at this stage.
this.
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in life with women friends, but that dissolved and that was really crushing. My baby sister, who I have lived next to, we had our babies 10 days apart on purpose. She upped and moved to California when I'm on the East Coast. She left me and all of this just put me in such a depressive mode for a couple of years. Finally, I just found myself
in a closet at three o'clock in the morning writing poetry. And then I thought, okay, well, what I'm gonna do is I'm going to change the focus. I'm gonna focus on the poetry writing. And I made it a challenge. I said, I'm gonna write one piece of poetry every day for 30 straight days, and I'm gonna see what happens. And this is what happened. I ended up with a book.
Was it a specific theme or how did each day come to you when it came to these poems that you were writing?
That is such a good question. So I didn't start off with a theme. I didn't start off with an outline. I just poured out whatever it was that was weighing on me. Well, here's the deal though, Amy. I happen to be a woman in midlife. So guess what? The poems are about women in midlife, which turns out is not just me. There's a bunch of us.
And what I realized afterwards when I was sharing the poetry, other women were like, my God, this is exactly how I feel. How did you get in my head? I didn't do that intentionally, but it turns out I'm not that unique or that special that I too am feeling much of the same things that other women are feeling. All I did was made it rhyme.
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feel that a lot of us were just hesitant to start something new. that first poem led to 29 more days after that.
How did you find the courage to keep going? What gave you the charge to go, I'm just going to go for this. And this is going to be the, this is the way I'm going to express myself for the next month.
I wish I could tell you that it was like a logical or frontal lobe activity. Literally, I've heard people say before that something went through them, that they channeled something. I hear it and I'd be like, that's kind of cool. Yeah, I'm not sure what that means, but okay. I now know what that means. I was the conduit. It was going through me. I literally
feel like I had no choice. And I'm using air quotes because I do believe we always have choice. We have agency, we have choice. But at the time, I was so compelled and driven that it felt that I didn't have a choice, if that makes any sense at all.
when those whispers become like yelling or big bells clanging, we can't ignore them. But one of the things I think that's super cool about the book is that you included QR codes so that you could hear you reading. What was kind of the impetus behind that?
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am, I'm an actor. Like originally, I went to theater school. That's what I thought I was gonna be. I thought I was gonna be a Broadway actor. And then about halfway through my first year of theater school, I'm like, wow, this is a lot of work to become a waitress. So I went to business school instead, but I always have enjoyed performing and reading in front of people. And someone said to me, Jack, why don't you read them?
because I love hearing it in your voice. It was suggested by a friend of mine. So I got into my closet and I recorded it. I recorded one on my iPhone and I put it out on TikTok or whatever. I put it out just to see what would happen. And everyone was like, my gosh, that is so awesome. Then I thought to myself, well, why not make the book interactive? I recorded each poem. So I didn't record like the whole book.
It's not an audio book per se, because there's pros in here. You know, I have little blurbs explaining, you know, why I wrote the poem or what the meaning is behind the poem to give people a little more context. So I didn't read that stuff, but each poem has a QR code on the page. So you can, if you want, while you're reading it, click on it and have me read it to you in your own head while you're reading it in the book.
And I thought that might be kind of fun as an interactive different. haven't seen anyone do that yet, but I mean, maybe it's done and I just, didn't know, but I think I invented it.
tend to be the kind of person that checks out the books from the library, but also has to get the audio version as well. So I like to do both. It helps me stay more present. And I also love it when the author reads it because then you hear their tone and inflection, the way they meant it. And so I think in this sense that that would be really an emotional way to connect with you, to hear you through your own words and voice as well.
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I so. think it's that QR code sort of feature or whatever you want to call it seems to be resonating really well with women. They really like having the option and it's also kind of, it gives it an element of fun also. It's a little different, just makes it a little different of an experience. So we'll see. Yeah, I'm excited about it.
Well I know we've talked about a couple different poems that you might consider reading to the audience today. Do you any one that jumps out at you to share?
Yes, I want to share one that I think, I believe resonates with almost every woman I know because it's about body image issues. And I don't know a woman alive who at some point in time has not dealt with some sort of body dysmorphia perspective. And so this is called unleafing the past.
I do have to make one little caveat just in case your audience is super young. There is a reference here to a model named Twiggy that was very famous when I was little. And she was known for being really, really thin. I mean, well, her name Twiggy. So that's the only caveat I wanna make, because if not, it might not be understood. Unleafing the past.
In a world that worshipped slender frames, Twiggy's wayfish grace, her delicate flames, I stood apart, though silently resigned to feast on leaves from my behind. Watch your weight, the whispers cooed, a lifetime served in bowls of food. The salad, harmless in its art,
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Yet weighed so heavily on my heart. For every bite was laced with guilt. A quiet penance, a fortress built. To chase a form not mine to hold. A dream of thin, elusive cold. A thousand leaves consumed in vain. I ponder now through age and pain.
At 60 years I stand anew, no longer bound by what I chew. The salad, once a faithful friend, now signals something I transcend. No more the hunger for perfection's plea, but a fuller, truer love of me.
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Beautiful. I love that.
Yeah, I mean, who knew a salad could be so, I don't know, tick me off. Salads tick me off now.
I that, they have the thousand leaves and my gosh.
I'm so in vain. The thing is like, could not be a thin, I mean, I am of Hispanic descent. Latin America. Most of us are not built that way. We're just not. And so I wanted to be something I couldn't be when I was younger. I wanted to be the Farrah Fawcett. I wanted to be the Twiggy. And that was never going to be me. And now I realize
I like me just the way I am, thank you very much. And I do not have to eat any more salads if I don't want them.
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Yes, we need to eat what nourishes us, sustains us, but not to become something that we are not. There's so much of that in advertising and everyday messaging. it's just, it's good to stop and see that we can just love ourselves for who we are.
hoping that that's what women hear when they hear this poem. And honestly, all the other 29 poems, it is literally about loving yourself and being okay with the transitions and the changes because this is a really tumultuous time for women. It can be.
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With the Cool Life community, have there been poets in the group before or anybody? mean, you obviously have other writers and things. Is this something that now maybe might have another segment to bring more artists in play or?
What a great idea. I hadn't even thought about that, but I think you just planted a seed. It's interesting because I have been doing a lot of live poetry readings and heading into that community more and more, which I had never been a part of before. There's a lot of poets out there. I had no idea. It's getting a little bit of a resurgence. That's what I'm being told. I don't know.
but I'm brand new to it. But yeah, I would love to have more arts, more artistry as part of the Cool Life community. That would be so wonderful.
feel like as we're learning new things about ourselves or being bold enough to try new things, this is a good opportunity to use voices for ourselves that maybe we didn't realize we had. even if it's to dabble or to practice, but to have a safe place to share with one another might be a really cool poetry slam with Cool Life or something like that.
I should look into that. Yeah, that would be so much fun.
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One thing that I always love to ask my guests is what is being phenomenal mean to you?
That's a great question. think phenomenal means to me that I'm living.
with integrity, that I'm comfortable, that I'm happy and satisfied with the decisions I'm making, the choices I'm making. Because by definition, whenever we decide on one thing, we're literally deciding against something else because you can't do everything. And so when we choose or select something, whether it's an activity, a way to be, a thought, you're literally making it so something else
cannot take that place. And so for me, being phenomenal is working at not a hundred percent, cause that's just crazy talk, but holy cow, if I could get me to be in a good space mentally, 75 % or above of the time, I feel like I'm pretty phenomenal. And that sometimes means literally real time replacing a negative.
dance that's going on in my head, right? Because my brain, my reptilian brain, like all of ours, loves to find all the reasons that bad stuff's gonna happen to me, right? I mean, boy, oh boy, my brain is so good at that. I have been working on, okay, let's change that channel. Let's change that conversation. I can do that. I can literally change the words in my own head. So if I can catch myself at least 75 % of the time,
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I feel like I'm doing pretty phenomenally.
that's something that we need to remember. It isn't an all or nothing thing. It's not 100%. My goodness, anything over 50 % is doing really darn good. Anything over 30 % some days, I'll take it, right? It's giving ourselves that progress is better than perfection. And I don't think we praise that enough.
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start. Gold star
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That's something that definitely needs to be celebrated on a more regular basis. When it comes to finding your new book and learning more about you, where can our guests know and see and find and purchase good thoughts?
Speaker 2 (24:23.672)
Well, that will definitely all be linked in the show notes and I can't wait for more people to connect with you and to learn more about the great community that you serve and put together weekly, right? As well, you have like a weekly drop of all sorts of great articles and ideas and events and things that are going on. And I just can't thank you enough for being here today.
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Is there one last poem that you would like to leave us with today?
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Thank you. That was wonderful.
Great. we'll leave on a note of change and may that take you where it will. like I said, I'll have everything linked to the show notes. And again, my thanks, Jack.
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Thank you for joining us on this episode of Speaking of Phenomenal. Be sure to subscribe, rate, review, and even share the podcast, as well as stay tuned for more inspiring conversations. Remember, each and every one of you is capable of extraordinary things. Until next time, take care and remember you are phenomenal.
