Wandering Toward Purpose: Sarah Harris on Embracing our Stories

Host Amy Boyle sits down with Sarah Harris, a transnational adoptee, midlife mother, and blogger at Makes Me Wander. Sarah shares her journey of embracing vulnerability, finding her story, and building authentic connections. From exploring her roots in Korea to guiding others through life's pivots, Sarah’s insights inspire listeners to reflect, write, and prioritize self-compassion. Discover how her five-week writing course fosters stress relief and community, especially during the busy holiday season.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Phenomenal You - Sarah Harris
• 6:00 Exploring Identity and Backstory
• 11:42 Writing as a Tool for Self-Discovery
• 17:51 Embracing Vulnerability and Authenticity
• 23:41 The Importance of Inner Child Work
• 30:59 Outro

Transcript

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (00:00.056)
Welcome to the Speaking of Phenomenal podcast, Sarah. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you, Amy, for having me. This is a privilege. I can't wait, because we go back a few years now, for you to give an introduction to our audience of the Phenomenal You. Well, thank you. Sometimes it's hard for me to think of myself as phenomenal, but I think the thing that makes me phenomenal is hopefully just connecting with others.

I'm a transnational adoptee. I'm a single mom to two kids, both college age. So I'm definitely in that pivot part of my life. But that kind of runs as a theme through my whole history as well. I've pivoted many times in my career and just in general moving a lot. So I like to think that connecting with others is what's made that easier for me, I think.

And so I try to give back by trying to reach out to others and help them find how they can pivot into something long purpose that they really find passion in and just try to help them figure out what that passion point is and how they can start today. For any of our listeners who have followed the 52 Phenomenal Women project and or just even the beginnings parts of getting this podcast up and running, you've had a very instrumental role in that. You're one of my 104 phenoms. Want to give a little bit of background as to what you wrote about way back when. I think it was early 2020 when the world was still a different place. think you and I really connected during a very pivotal, like I've been changing constantly since we met. feel like, you know, I think at the time I've got a blog makes me wander because I love to just wander and I think in a sense I'm trying to find myself more than anything else, but at the same time I'm trying to remember that life goes really fast and we need to experience as much as possible. And again, of course, connecting with other people along the way. So I think, you know, back then it was mostly about trying to figure out who I was, trying to write more because that's a long-term goal of mine. And just to try to leave a mark in this world, guess, partially for my kids, but also partially because I just wanted to share my feelings as I go through life and hopefully find other people out there that are feeling the same way, but don't have anybody to talk to about it. So maybe they can connect with me online and just kind of start to form that community where we all cheer each other on. mean, anytime I have a wild, crazy idea, I would go to like friends and family and they'd immediately tell me all the things that they were concerned about or the risks I'm taking and all that stuff. you sometimes it's just great to hang out with a group of people who are like, yes, that sounds like a fantastic idea. I think you should go for it. And here's how you can maybe do that. So I am trying to encourage more of that between people and starting with myself. Well, and you've mentioned early on when we started talking about even since we met, like constantly changing, which definitely a through line of this podcast and the guests on the show are women who want more, more of life, more to give, more to do, more to experience, all these things. And I think you're the epitome of that. With that and going back a little bit, maybe so our listeners have a little bit more of a background on you.

Share some of the things that you've pivoted from and grown from just so that, you know, we can kind of have a pseudo timeline, if you will. Sure. I mean, definitely. I'll just start probably my biggest pivot where it was the first moment where I suddenly had to, I was feeling very raw and had to keep going anyway, is when I got divorced back in 2006, which is a long time before we met. But I instantly put my kids first and tried to get them stable into a community where they could feel like they grow up and have a solid foundation and good friends. And I'm glad that that all worked out because that was actually also a

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (04:17.038)
point for me because when I grew up, we moved a lot. And as an introvert, that was like my worst nightmare. I do enjoy all the places that we lived, but those first days of school were brutal on me. just was, yeah. So I made it a point to not have that happen with my kids, if at all possible. So then I would say, you know, one thing that I've always had on the back burner while I was raising my kids and even while I was married,

And it's not necessarily because of those things, but I think, well, I'll just tell you what it is. It's because I'm a transnational adoptee from Korea. I was born there and adopted here to America. And I think, you know, at the time I was just, it's part of me, but I didn't know that much about it. And I think at the time I also didn't realize that there was any possibility of getting any kind of information or answers or anything like that.

But so I think right about the time where I met you was again, I was starting to work on becoming more of a writer and I was realizing that every movie, every book that I read gives you a little bit of this character's backstory before they then launch you forward into the story. And I didn't know my backstory at all. So I mean, I basically feel like my life started when I came here to America and nothing else existed, even though I existed for eight months somewhere else.

So I started going in search of that. I had gone for the first time to a meeting of other Korean adoptees and there I saw people that were older than me who had gone to Korea and found more information. And so I was instantly inspired to try to go as far as I can. And that's kind of how I look at it is that I'm not necessarily looking for reunions and things like that. More than anything, I just want my story.

I'll just be satisfied with getting as much information as I can. So it's still an ongoing process. I don't have all the answers yet, but even if it stopped today, at least I know I tried. And to your point, how can you change and evolve if you don't understand where it all began? You know, who were the key players in your life? You know, you are you and these other things are just part of the world, which I don't know.

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (06:39.138)
That's an energy that translates so well when people are around you. And I think that's what draws people to you. So, where do you find that strength? try, I mean, I guess growing up, I didn't really have that strong of a sense of self. On the other hand, I think like any of this new information coming in, I guess for some people it could completely throw them off their rocker and be like, my gosh, that's just world changing. And I mean, some of it is some of it's not, but,

I think more than anything, I feel like it's helping me get closer to figuring out who I am as a full detailed puzzle, I guess, if you want to. Like I'm looking for all those missing pieces and hopefully we won't get to the end and there will be that one annoying piece that doesn't fill in the puzzle. But even if it does, at least I have a better idea than I did 20 years ago. And I think just because it is so personal, at least for me, I think that's what keeps me calm is

I'm just trying to process it myself as well. I mean, I do share with the world, but I don't share it in a way to be like, here's who I am now because of this. Maybe it's partially because I'm still processing it too, like trying to figure out how these pieces fit because there is like constantly new information. So I think at the same time, I don't totally overreact because it could change in a few months or a year or who knows.

I'm just trying to take it all in and accept it with grace and be grateful for the fact that I'm getting any new information. And for those listeners that are curious and want to learn more about your journey, we're going to link back to the original 52 Phenomenal Women post, which talks about your initial, your first trip to Korea. And then, then we also had, you were brave enough and I'm so grateful that you were part of my master's project.

a mini documentary where we talked about a little bit more in depth right after you just had finished a conference, right, for adoptees. Yeah, I think that's been a big thing too is, and maybe this is another reason why I feel or why I come across as calm is because I feel like in a way I'm just trying to be this almost like living my life for others. I've done it so well with my kids and I feel like I'm just trying to be here to show people.

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (08:58.914)
their best side so they will believe it and then move forward with it. Whether that's somebody I work with at my day job, whether it's my kids, whether it's my circle of friends or the adoptee community. And I just try to be a resource for them. so hopefully somebody coming up behind me, because there are so many of them that came after me, you know, we all come out of the adoptee fog, which is what we call it at different stages and at different times. And so hopefully

I can just be someone that when they decide that they're looking for answers, that I can hopefully be a steady guide for them and resource, or at least if nothing else, help them understand some of the complex emotions that they're having. Are there any of those further conferences or chances to get together that you have on your calendar coming up?

I don't have any on my calendar right now, but yeah, the last one when I was in Chicago, and unfortunately that time we missed each other, but that one was really personal because I'm starting to more recently dive into the history that I come from, which is very specific to mixed race Koreans. And so that conference was all about that and the camp towns that existed outside of the U.S. military bases. so, so that was really fulfilling.

I have to say, and I learned a lot and I think it's all just swimming in my head. So before I go to another conference and then fill it some more, I just have to like let that settle first. Well, and that kind of takes us to the nuts and bolts of your blog and your writing and your screenwriting journey and all these sort of things. So taking all this information, your personal clay and turning it into

you know, something that you want to share so that others can learn from and, you know, take in what they can from it. What I think we've read somewhere, maybe it was in your bio, you were talking about your goal of just writing 365 words a day. Let's talk about how do we get started, right? Cause we all have a story. So if you were to sit down with somebody brand new and they're literally like, gosh, I have this and I can't get it out. Where do you begin?

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (11:11.982)
Well, I'll say that my blog did start as a writing exercise. So that is, I had read the title and maybe a synopsis of the book, I think, by Malcolm Gladwell, who said that if you do 10,000 hours of something, you'll become an expert. So I calculated it out that if I started in January of 2012, that by the time my kids are out of high school or going into college or something, I would then be a writer. So I started with 365 words a day. And to be honest, I think at that time I was

literally sitting down and writing about anything that made me think twice during the day or just stuck with me. Like it could be a positive moment or it could be something that was troubling me or I mean it was all over the place or it could have been a moment with my kids like but

But then that lasted, I actually was successful for about four and a half months until I got into grad school. So then of course, my writing took a very different turn into a more academic for a while. So I think I only posted twice in those years. But then the great thing about it was after grad school, I tried to take each little thing that happens to me.

I try to take nuggets from it. That's the way I just look at everything, good or bad, that there's got to be something in it for me to learn. So grad school then helped me try to narrow down my message a little bit. So that's how I wound up by the time I was done with grad school, I was in my mindful midlife phase where I was nearing the point where my kids were going to go to school. And then I had to remember who I was before I had kids, before I was married and who was that person and how do I revive them.

And writing had always been one of those things. So what brings me down to sit down and write honestly are the strongest emotions, usually the negative ones, because then I just sit and try to purge them. I would tend to write songs because I feel like it's less of a commitment. So I don't know how to write music at all, but I'll just write over somebody else's music. And so I've written a lot of songs.

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (13:14.346)
even just getting it out just to purge your mind, helps even though the feelings and emotions do still come through. Sometimes it helps just to do that dump. So I just say like, sit down, even if it's your phone and you're just sitting somewhere for 10 minutes, like just drop everything there. And then it's still there. So you can go back to it if you want to, but it helps temporarily at least give you that release. And then you can just either

move forward feeling a little less heavy or just with clear perspective, more optimism, whatever it is, or it helps you put it all aside so you can sort through it and figure out the lesson like I always do. So writing has been a thing. I'm trying to bring it back around. I am trying to do a memoir about my experience, my first trip back to Korea. And then I am also trying to pivot back into screenwriting. That's actually more of a full circle moment.

I had tried to do that when my daughter was very young. I was still married at the time working for an entertainment company. So I had my path that I saw for myself. But then when I got divorced and suddenly the kids were front and center, then I just had to put that on hold for a while. So that's something I'm now trying to bring back now that I am an empty nester. Going back to your four months of consistent writing, what were, did you see patterns in like

energy was it you know like even the artist way that writing in the first day of the morning artist pages and all that sort of thing what was some of the most unique things that you saw by being consistent like I think for me it was interesting because when I started the blog I didn't really write it with any intention to connect with people but when you send it out there to the universe I mean people definitely read it and so I think

It just showed me number one, the power of connection and how if you put things out into the world that we can present a very different place for people than is currently out there. mean, most of social media and most of anything on the internet is about these fantastic things going on or flashy glitzy, like all that stuff. Here's the cool people doing the cool stuff. There's a whole bunch of us that are just real people experiencing real life things. And so I think for me, just being authentic.

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (15:37.738)
is what helped connect me with the few people that were reading it back then. And so I think that was really the thing that it started to teach me that being authentic and real is not necessarily a scary thing because I think before just all my life, just growing up, like I was always worried about fitting in places. And so I would present a certain way to make sure that I fit in with the crowds. And, this allowed me a space to just be myself. Plus at the time,

I was able to connect with other adults. I mean, I had friends in my circle, but again, I wasn't totally presenting to them the same way I would when I was online talking to people that I had no idea who they were halfway around the world. The consistency was great for me, to be honest. I definitely got on a rhythm that I knew, because I would tend to write 1,500 words. I would just purge and let it all out, and then I would edit it down to 365 words.

And so I loved that exercise and I think it took me only about two hours a night. So it gave me a good habit that I am not using as well now because I tend to write more than 365 words now. But, but yeah, I think that's actually now that we're bringing it up, I think that's a habit I need to start again is just to sit down and write 1500 words if that's what it takes a night and then I'll edit it down later or the same night. Last week I had on, Tina Greenbaum and she was talking about.

Mastering our messages, our place in the workforce and all these things, but also talk very openly about how vulnerability is definitely, know, Brene Brown talks about it, everybody talks about it, but like, you know, that's a fine line of vulnerable, but it is our superpower because it makes us unique. If we're in a sea of same, then

Why me versus so-and-so for a different opportunity, a position, point of view, all these things. Maybe, maybe this is just me, but I really think the more vulnerable we are, we create a more empathetic and sympathetic society, which I want to praise you for being a part of. And I hope more listeners are hearing that.

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (17:52.972)
Hey, let's show up. Let's be there for one another. Yeah, I think that's a great idea. mean, especially now there's like a lot of craziness going on in the world. And especially with the transition now where we're going to have a different president, which is always rough. But anyway, I think just life in general, goes through seasons. Definitely with the holidays coming up, that can always be a more stressful time. And I think that sometimes we just need those people that we can admit that to. Like, it's almost like people are afraid to admit that.

It's a lot of work and it is a lot of work. you know, I mean, again, I think the thing is, is to understand that everybody's going through something and if it's a big deal to that person, then it's a big deal and they should be able to relax and lean into somebody who can maybe help them carry the burden because I also feel that they could be different. so, you know, I might be struggling in one area or having a challenge and somebody else might be having a challenge in the other.

But it still helps talking to each other because maybe there's ideas or a resource or something that you can give to each other to help get through the next stage. So I think, yeah, I think there's only strength in reaching out and connecting with people on authentic levels. going back to the, your blog and how wandering brought you to the right place at the right time. Is there maybe one or two examples where you're like, wow, this, is where me.

purging, if you will, like all those words and to get them down to an edited amount out into the world, who knows who's going to read it, but where did that wander take you that you still kind of go like a pinch me aha kind of moment? Ooh, that's a good one. Because to be honest, I haven't read a lot of my blog in a really long time. I mean, I think truly just the fact that I was chosen as a

Omeg Insider just for presenting what I felt was the most authentic part of me, think that was the biggest reward I'd had with all that. was like, really? I was just trying to be myself and somebody's actually recognizing me for it. I wasn't even expecting – they have these cute little bloggy awards that you can give each other and stick on your website if you want, but those are just for fun and decorative. then to have that, that was like a lot of validation that, you're on

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (20:18.604)
the right path. And I think I talked less about my adoption at that time because I hadn't really gone through it yet. yeah, I mean, I think it gave me the permission and the space to really just try to keep going on that path and figuring out who I am and the different parts of me and how they come together and what they mean. But I think the other thing is also how I could be of service for others. So that's something I'm still evolving and trying to communicate on the website. But yeah, that's

That's been the biggest thing. find it very rewarding as well when just through the podcast and other sources, like now meeting all these new people or reintroducing them to other people that again, listeners being like blog readers, don't know who's going to be on the other side of that. And when you can make that magical connection with somebody, like, well, take it for what it's worth, but you and you need to meet. And we've done that for each other.

I've sent any of my California transplants your way. I'm like, you have to meet Sarah. It's one of those incredible ways to just keep that authenticity and awesome community growing. Even if it's a fine thread of through line with the people, you're like, this is going to be great. Take it for what it's worth, but I can't wait to see the magic happen. Yeah, you are always really good, I think, with connecting people that have commonalities or just

energy that works well together or I love that. And yeah, I mean, meeting the OMEG insiders, that was the best thing for me as well because it was like a masterclass of just seeing different women who see the world and share their vision and are fearless in their vision and how they just fearless in their goals too, because I hadn't really had that as a role model before. I'd had people in businesses like as mentors when I

look for jobs and everything, but that's only part of my life. And to be honest, I didn't want, it's not that I don't want to dedicate energy to my career, because obviously I do, but at the same time, yeah, I had a whole other part of me that was screaming for attention that, so it was really amazing to be able to be in that group of women. Back to that whole point that you made early on about figuring out who you are and who you were before kids, before marriage, as this person we,

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (22:44.212)
are right now. It's still, we are a component of all of these different moments in our lives. And yes, I fully believe in acts of service and serving others, but it's really magical when you go, my gosh, this is seven year old me, or this is 12 year old me. And this is an amazing realization of something that has happened in the past that shaped one little moment that shaped who I am right now. Or, you know, maybe it's something

something you wanna like work through, but it's one of those things that I think, again, giving ourselves permission and time, whether it's writing or making music or blogging or podcasting or whatever, it gives us a chance to share that these thoughts are valid with a community that does care for us. I love that you bring up the inner children because that's definitely something that I...

first connected with mine when I went on the Korea trip. Even though I think the feeling I was feeling was probably like maybe a three to five year old while I was on the trip, even though I wasn't there at that age. But it just reconnected with me with a part that was maybe searching for answers this whole time and I just didn't realize it.

you know, cause when I say I'm trying to remember who I was before, like, I don't want to be exactly that person, but it's almost like the point of view that I want to figure out what their hopes and dreams were and then help make that inner child proud that yes, I've seen your dreams through and that kind of thing. So, yeah, I mean, I love that. And we all have multiple inner children within us. So I've been trying to tap into different ages with either music or books or that kind of thing from those times.

back to making our multiple inner children or these different points in our lives proud of us. You know, there's baby steps and small wins. when you first got to Korea, what was it that was an amazing win that brought you back to honoring your inner you? I mean, I think there, you know, I was wondering if I would have any kind of sense or smells or sounds that would immediately bring me back to my infant.

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (25:00.334)
Because I left Korea when I was eight months old. So the answer is no, I did not have anything that sparked a memory like that. But I think one of the moments where I felt the most grounded on this earth was when a group of us were taken on a tour actually of the camp town. It's now converted into an artist colony, but they took us through a camp town and into a military base that is now defunct. But I think more than anything, I felt our solid place in history and realized for the first time that

It's US history, but it's also South Korea history, all right here in this group of people. And we're like this walking piece of history going into Korea. was very empowering. And I think it grounded me on the trip and on the earth. Cause I never, you know, we, now we imagine locations with those big red arrows that are on every Google map. So I planted one like right there. was like, all right, this is the closest to where I come from. but I think it was also just, I think.

On the trip, I was determined to not have any kind of agenda, really. I mean, obviously we had an itinerary, but I was just there to experience everything and take it all in. And again, just add more puzzle pieces to myself. And so I did, I felt like the three to five year old me was just kind of skipping along next to me, just trying to be like, notice everything, take it all in, be here. Like, obviously it's an emotional trip, but.

try to take in as much as you can, don't get wrapped up and then not be able to see anything because you're just so bound by your emotions. So I think that was the biggest thing. That's incredible. Well, and leading into everything we've been talking about and knowing that we're going into everybody's holidays coming up and you're now leading a five-week course.

in writing for stress relief and building community. Well, I'm all in for community and I'm all in for stress relief. So can you give our audience a little bit of information about what the program is and how they can get involved? During COVID, one thing that really helped me was I did a deep dive with mindful self-compassion. We talk very differently to other people than to ourselves. So I thought that this would be a great opportunity for people more than anything to just

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (27:18.796)
check in and reconnect with themselves because during the holidays there's a lot of things pulling us in many different directions, especially during the beginning of the year. We're always trying to redefine ourselves suddenly or set those big goals for the next year. And I thought that this would be a great way for people to give themselves permission to check in during this time. So it's not about knowing how to write. It's not about learning how to write really. It's about coming in.

giving yourself permission to pause, check in with yourself, see how you're feeling, maybe write down a few things. We'll have writing prompts that help people. It's not about sharing what you write. You can share about the experience, what you felt while you were writing it, but nobody has to share anything that they wrote. It's purely for themselves and it gives us permission to take time for ourselves. I know that I don't even do it. I'm bad if I don't have an actual class set up for it. So yeah, so hopefully I'll meet some amazing people there.

As we begin to wrap up, where can people find out more to get involved in the five-week course and then obviously more about you? If they go to my blog, MakesMeWander with an A, Wander, and then if they go to makesmewander.com front slash contact and leave their information, their email, and just put in the message writing for stress relief, then I will send them the Zoom schedule. If they start on

If they hear this later and we're already in process, they can either join us late. There's no, you know, you're not missing anything or I will definitely be doing it again. So they can sign up for future ones and you can read all about me on the blog. And I've got one of my most raw and authentic posts coming soon. It's all going to be laid out there. Excellent. Well, I can't thank you enough for being the authentic you sharing your vulnerabilities and reminding us that we should.

give ourselves the permission to get these thoughts, dreams, hopes, wishes out so that they can turn into the actual thing. mean, once we share it, it's amazing how many things can change and start to change. So I've taken major example from you over the years and I can't thank you enough for being a part of this today.

Amy Boyle (amyboylephoto) (29:40.494)
Thank you for saying that. That's really sweet. And I always love your vision of the world. I can't get enough of it, both through the camera lens and just through all of the things that you touched in this phenomenal project. So I'm so grateful to be in your circle. Well, they'll make sure everything's linked in the show notes, learn more about Sarah and make time for yourself this holiday season and going into the new year. Stress relief needs to be priority number one for 2025. Thanks so much.

Thank you for joining us on this episode of Speaking of Phenomenal. Be sure to subscribe, rate, review, and even share the podcast, as well as stay tuned for more inspiring conversations. Remember, each and every one of you is capable of extraordinary things. Until next time, take care and remember, you are phenomenal.